Imagine yourself in the middle of a dark ocean. The only thing you hear is a distant Morse code over a retro beat. A silky voice asks, “Are you my mother?” The sparkly lights get closer. There’s people drinking coffee, vodka and fluffy ducks. They’re chatting and laughing. “Where did you get that lame boob tube from?” . . . “From here! Dr Glam and Demelza’s Inflammable Spandex Café!” . . . “That’s a mouthful.” . . . “I know, but it’s not fattening.” The beat grows louder as you climb onboard the shimmering café. Chill out and relax, dudes. Let Ian (Dr Glam) Chapman and Demelza May take you there, every Friday at 6pm on Otago Access Radio. Chur!